Sometimes I wonder if I am doing a “good job” as a mom. I became a mother when I was 37 and I had no idea how hard it would be. I loved the experience of caring for a newborn and felt a love so big I thought I would burst, but it was a big transition for me.
Support is so important. I am so grateful to have such a deep connection with my husband. We help each other do the best we can as parents and often connect to stay on top of what is going on in our household. We both try to do what we need to support the challenges and growths that are constantly occurring in both of our daughters’ lives, but it can still be challenging.
Some moms do it “better” than me…
I have seen moms I envy. Moms who are much better at getting down on the floor for imaginative play, or can do awesome craft projects that I could never do. But the truth is, I think we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. We all have a lot on our plate and both mothers and fathers contribute to many aspects of their family’s lives. We all bring so many
gifts to parenting and I try to remember that while I definitely lack the craft gene, I bring many other experiences to my parenting. (It blows my kids minds when I do some of my tap moves they can’t do yet in dance class.)
I know many working moms who feel bad they don’t spend more time with their kids and I know stay at home moms who feel guilty they are not bringing in an income. Let’s all remember that we are all doing the best we can and let’s be kind to ourselves.
Yes, there are parents who search on Pinterest for all their amazing homemade meals, grow their own herbs and make their own play-doh. But I think it is important to realize that we all must do what works best for our family and stay true to ourselves and our priorities.
We all want to raise smart, strong, kind, compassionate, tolerant and respectful children. But some days are easier than others, and we all have our good days and the days we wish we could take a do-over. This is another place where you have to find the balance that works for you, and find satisfaction in the effort you put into your parenting. For me, I try to stay present, breathe, (yes, practice YogiVal Fundamental 1, Breathe!) and stay flexible to meet the needs of everyone in my family.
Modeling behavior
I find that communication with my girls is the biggest learning moment for my family. I certainly get frustrated and yell at times or find myself short tempered when I have answered the same question 5 times. (you all know what I mean!) What I find, is that the best tool for connection with my daughters, is communication. When I do anything that has a negative effect on our family, I take responsibility for my behavior and have a conversation about how I prefer to handle a situation in the future, or why what I said was unkind or unacceptable. My girls grow from the experience of seeing their mom or dad own bad behavior and take responsibility for it. They can also witness that it is not the end of the world. I find it empowering to apologize and am trying to teach my girls the power in taking responsibility for things so you can grow and try to do things differently next time.
The gift
In the end, our children will grow up and hopefully we have given them the support and foundation to realize their full potential and achieve their goals. I find that maintaining a strong sense of who I am, by taking time for yoga, work and friends during these years is modeling for my daughters the importance that all the needs of our household matter. I think I am raising thoughtful girls who are sensitive to the needs of others in addition to themselves. For that reason, and many others, I do think I am doing a “good “ job as a mom.
My hope is that all of you reading this post will be a little more kind to yourself and let go of the stigma of being the “perfect” mom/dad. The reality is we are all just doing the best we can. I would love to hear your feedback and any ideas on how you try to be the best mom/dad you can be. Please comment or post your questions to my AskVal forum.
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